‘Muslim’ Secularist Humour

October 22, 2008
“how many ‘Muslim’ secularists does it take to screw a light bulb?”…”just one, because they’re good at twisting things to fit into their agenda”
“What do you call 20 ‘Muslim’ secularists jumping off a cliff?… a good start – but the process should adapt to modern times…”
“Why did the ‘Muslim’ Secularist cross the road?….to begin a reformation of the traffic laws”
So a Secularist walks into a bar, bar tender turns to him and asks: “Why the long tongue?”
“How many secularists can you fit into a blender?…I dunno, but wouldn’t it be fun to find out?”
What’s the difference between a ‘Muslim’ Secularist’s patriotic duty to his host Western country and his belief & practice of Islam?….One is absolutely sacred to him, the other is just his religion
“Why can’t Satan purchase a Secularist’s soul?…because the RAND corporation will sue the Secularist for breach of contract”
What’s the difference between a non-Muslim and a ‘Muslim’ Secularist?…at least the non-Muslim admits when the West has faults.
What do you do to an audience after a talk by a Secularist?….wake them up, they’ve got homes to go to…
What thing does a ’Muslim’ Secularist want the most?….better euphemisms for the phrase “Abolish the sharia”
What does a Secularist and a demolition derby race, have in common?…They both start off ok, but then things get messy
Why won’t a ‘Muslim’ Secularist stop other Muslims from going to fight in Iraq/afghanistan?….because the British and American army are currently looking for recruits at the moment
Why won’t a secularist sell his grandmother?…because the RAND corporation don’t really have an equal opportunities employment program
A master sculptor invited his Secularist friend over to look at his sculptured master-pieces, “look at them, perfect aren’t they?”, the Secularist nodded his head in agreement, then the scupltor left to get some coffee.
Upon his return, he found all his sculptures hideously deformed and out of shape, and the Secularist had muddy clay all over his hands, when quizzed by the sculptor as to why he had done such a callous act, the secularist responded “I’m a post-modernist”

What’s the difference between a Muslim in a police station and a ‘Muslim’ Secularist in a Police station? One is suspected by the police, the other is having a suspicious relationship with the police.

What’s the difference between a ‘Muslim’ Secularist and a barbaric Viking from the medieval period?…nothing, they both act according to whatever is the culture of their times

 

Why wouldn’t a ‘Muslim’ Secularist say the Islamic shariah is perfect and universal for all times? Because he can’t say that Secularism and Islam can both be perfect at the same time…

 

Why do Reader’s Digest prefer recruiting ‘Muslim’ Secularists?…because they need people with experience at selectively abridging classical books

Why did the secularist cross a road with no walkway?…because he believed the traffic laws shouldn’t be taken literally, and only have a ’spiritual meaning’

 

The Sun newspaper (a trashy UK newspaper) opened up a competition for amateur spin doctors, ‘Muslim’ Secularists turned up at the entrance but were refused by the bouncer who said “sorry, no professionals”.

 

Whats the difference between a ‘Muslim’ Secularist and a Washing-Machine?…nothing, they both make dirty things look clean, and the process involves a lot of spinning…

A Muslim was reading a book on Islamic history, his ‘Muslim’ Secularist friend approached him and asked what he was reading, the Muslim replied “This book is about Islamic history, I am currently reading the section about the early Muslim munafiqs (hypocrites)”. “Is that so” the Secularist replied, what does it say about the hypocrites?”. “Well”, the Muslim replied, “it says that they were a people who, when Islam took over, they just adapted themselves to the current social norms they found themselves in, they questioned Islam when things were not beneficial to them, they sided with the enemies of the Muslims and blamed the Muslims for the aggression by these enemies, and lastly, they always sought a way out from doing their obligations by twisting the truth”. “Interesting” said the Secularist, “But I came today to speak to you about Secularism, as you know, it is the current international norm and we must adapt to Modern times. We must seek what would be of benefit to Muslims and avoid burdening ourselves with out of date laws. People say they hate the US and UK governments for their wars in Iraq , but we should not hate them, they have brought so much good to world, we should help them instead and prevent Muslims from opposing them, which is why they attack us in the first place. Of course we as Muslims have many obligations Islam has obliged upon us, but today’s world is a different context, so most of those obligations would no longer apply in their current forms”. “Interesting” replied the Muslim…